My honey, Oh Honey, stood before me wielding the clippers. I knew, I really did, that I had to let go of the beard – He was off to fashiony places, and Santa Claus-style beards are not so chi chi. So we made an event of it. We all had a go. Even I admitted it was….. well… pretty thick.
Off it came.
India had a go.
Belle was next.
Then Evan.
I did some finishing touches, then couldn't resist this Terry Richardson moment…
Yep. That's it.
That looks great now.
"Hey sexy. Wanna go 'round with me?"
Then I skipped off,
job well done,
do a few other chores,
then
I came back
and
"Excuse me, my boyfriend was here a minute ago, but it appears i have misplaced him and by the way who are you?"
I was only joking when I said you should shave it all off! Remember, I'm the one who takes photos of guys with moustaches! I'm the chick who suffers ridicule from the other chicks for support of moustakas!
Wow.
Last time I saw Sonny with no facial hair he looked like this…
That was in the 80's. (Don't you just want to squeeze his cheeks!)
You know,
sama sama, but different. I might add, that as cute as he was, he just wasn't my 'type', back then.
But, now he is.
Hairy or not.
So I guess what this post is really about is…. I miss him.
Removing the beard turned out to be a metaphor for him leaving the next day anyway.
He's not gone for good, but he's gone for a long time – again. He's always gone for a long time. 2 months, 3 months, 6 months, he's always gone for longer than he's here. In the 4 years we have been together, we haven't spent more than 3 months together and I hate it. It hurts so much, to say goodbye, and it hurts so much to miss him.
I know it's for work, but that doesn't make it easier. If this had a finite time frame, then I'm sure it would be manageable (a 5yr limit from the beginning would have been good), but it's nebulous. There is no end in sight. Nothing to plan toward, no end goal to focus on. Just a continuum of discomfort. Even when he returns, it's always marred by the calendar in my head silently carving scores in the wall to mark how many days I have left until he goes again. Some may say to stop focusing on the negative, but it's very difficult when the amount of time gone has always outweighed the amount spent here. You count off the days away, so it's only natural to count off the shorter period here. I wish he could know the panic that I feel when he is here, of, how will I fit in all the things I want to do, to say or to feel. Those things that, spread over a year, occur naturally, but jammed into half (or less) of that time, are squeezed in, frantically and unnaturally thrown in and not enjoyed as much because they are forced.
Above all, it's just too hard to
say goodbye all the time.
Please please please please please, don't make me keep having to do this.
Sometimes we meet someone truly special, and we don't even realise it.
As I said. He wasn't my type back then, all those years ago, but I always loved him. In that gorgeous way that a girl can love a guy who is their friend without having to take the friendship to another level.
That nice warm feeling that even if you are in relationships, or haven't seen each other for years you can just pick up where you left off, as mates.
18 years after first meeting him, we bumped into each other with surfboards under our arms on Whale Beach, and suddenly Sonny was… 'my type'.
He was sexy, spunky, and still that mate I had loved for all those years.
One of the hardest things in life is finding someone you love, who loves you right back again, and what a great achievement it is to find someone who, not only loves you,but who you feel you share some kind of destiny with.
A person who, for whatever reason, has always been there.
Close, but not in the picture.
Now, he is close in my heart, but physically so far away. Opposite sides of the globe, opposite sides of the day, even opposite seasons! It's been such a tough battle to maintain this relationship for this long, I don't want to keep doing it.
I'm making my pitiful whinge public. I just want my boyfriend around for longer than he is gone.
There must be a way??
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